


Is it all in my head?

by noniehaos



Series: the pain never left (I hope it would) [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Christmas Special, M/M, Secret Relationship, Tolerate It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28086474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noniehaos/pseuds/noniehaos
Summary: junhui chose to stay and jihoon is not going anywhere.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Kim Mingyu/Xu Ming Hao | The8, Lee Jihoon | Woozi/Wen Jun Hui | Jun
Series: the pain never left (I hope it would) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2051382
Kudos: 14





	Is it all in my head?

**Author's Note:**

> my first attempt to make a junhoon fic. i hope you like it even if its rushed :)
> 
> listen to taylor swift's tolerate it while reading.

Looking at the night sky, uttering his best wishes, he cannot help but sigh and think of his own destiny.. Or how quite fortunate it was to be loved years ago…. To be supported by someone he never thought would leave his side….yet the reality was far from giving him his happy ending.. Perhaps a reminder that there are two worlds; different from one another -- two worlds you cannot piece together -- no matter how hard you try to glue them together, whatever kind of glue you use; whether it is the most expensive or most demanded quality… you cannot… especially if one world does not want to. 

\---

Junhui… the bright dance major of Seoul University smiled as he ran to his next class which is at the next building beside where he is now. Panting and reaching for air, he didn’t see what was coming and ultimately collided with the approaching student, who for no reason, or maybe because he literally bumped into him, glared at him. 

“Sorry!” the taller man shouted, “Shit. It is already 9!” he cursed and ran to his classroom,

The second time Junhui saw the boy was during the university wide organization search when Mingyu went to the Dance Troupe’s booth to visit his boyfriend. He learned that the guy he bumped into was Jihoon… from the Department of Music, a prodigy as Mingyu describes the young man.

“He’s best friends with Soonyoung hyung!” Mingyu added, playing with Hao’s iPad as his boyfriend negotiates with curious students and encouraging them to - or maybe blackmailing them to join the Dance Troupe, 

“Soonyoung, as in, DT’s president?” He looked over the other side of the booth to see Soonyoung talking to the Publication’s Editor- in - Chief, Wonwoo. 

“Yeah? As in that Soonie, over there,” Mingyu pointed to Soonie who is now looking at them with creased forehead, 

“You were talking about me?” The latter questioned, coming back, 

“About how you’re friends with Jihoon hyung,” Mingyu shrugged, “this hyung’s kinda curious, might as well fill him in some details,” 

“You like Jihoonie??” Soonyoung squealed, reaching his phone placed on top of the Registration table, 

“Who likes Jihoonie?” Another voice added, 

“Jeonghan hyung!” Minghao greeted the older man, 

“Sooooo… you like Jihoonie?” Jeonghan looked at Junhui who is already looking at him and Soonyoung with mouth open, 

“No??” 

“Aish… stop denying it.” 

\---

“Tell me, Junnie, I can really vouch for you.” Junhui glared at Soonyoung for the hundredth time that one day, 

“How many times do I have tell you that I don’t like him,” 

“Even Jeonghan hyung can help you, Junnie!” Wonwoo explained making hand movements as the Dance Troupe prepare for their competition, 

“It won’t do, Wonu, heck, I don’t even know Jihoon aside from all the information you’ve been giving me.” 

Junhui never met Jihoon even if they have mutual friends, even if it’s easier to meet whenever one of their mutual friends would invite them over…. But they never saw each other.. Not even a glance. 

As if the universe will never conspire for them to meet.... until one night. 

\--

Or maybe the universe was making its way for them to meet when Wonwoo suddenly barged in Junhui and Minghao’s shared apartment, remind him to please knock before entering,

“Come on, Junnie!! Please! I’ll buy all sweet potatoes in the world for you,” Wonwoo pleaded, even clasping his hands to make the older one agree with whatever he is asking for,

Junhui sighed and went to the kitchen, ignoring Wonwoo’s tantrums, 

“Give me one reason why you don’t want to,” Wonwoo added, not letting the topic go, 

“I don’t even know him that much, Wonu,” Junhui rolled his eyes, using Wonwoo’s nickname to maybe get away with it? The younger boy just looked at him before creasing his forehead, 

“Yeah?? That’s why you’re going on a date with him!” Wonwoo exclaimed, “This is the perfect time to go out of that shell, Junnie!” he grinned, “Who knows? You might have the early Christmas present,” 

“You disgusting piece of shit!” Junhui screamed, throwing the nearest object -- thankfully a paper towel to Wonwoo, 

“What are you two even doing!” Soonyoung’s voice startled them from their mini paper towel fight as the former entered the apartment, 

“Why are you here?” 

“Uh because my boyfriend is here?” He answered looking around, 

“Your boyfriend’s pestering me!” 

Wonwoo laughed and shook his head, “I’m not, Junnie,” he smirked, “And I’m doing you a favor,” 

Well…. Let’s just say Wonwoo managed to persuade him that’s why he found himself staring at the window as Jihoon ordered their food…. In a freaking 5 star fine dining restaurant

\--

If Junhui were to share his love story.. it wouldn't be about fairytales, unicorns, and rainbow, or everything else that is magical.. it was far from that. But one thing he is sure of is the fact that Jihoon did everything for him and his happiness, even if it meant sacrificing his own. 

"We're dating," Jihoon announced one afternoon when they're hanging out at Seungcheol and Jeonghan's shared apartment, the youngest of their group (Minghao, Mingyu, and Seokmin) graduated from college two days ago, now they're celebrating this milestone as Jisoo said, "we are all growing old and facing the real world," 

Seungcheol had his mouth wide open, Soonyoung stopped rambling about how stubborn his students were, and Wonwoo... oh, dear, dear Wonwoo, the mastermind of all, jumped and shouted in glee. 

Definitely a chaotic college celebration, 

But it never lasted.... it was never meant to last. 

"Ji, I'll be going now!" Junhui waved goodbye as he fix his sweater, 

"Take care!," He heard Jihoon from the kitchen, "I love you!" the shorter added, 

Junhui smiled at that, maybe, it was enough to reassure him that nothing is going to happen; nothing will ever separate him from Jihoon, 

How could someone separate them if they don't even know they existed in the first place?

Damn, secret relationships and how they are managed by people in it, 

Secret relationship as the only way to protect Junhui from the backlash of the industry Jihoon is in,

Now, Allow him to narrate everything as the train takes him to his dance studio, 

\-- 

It was a year after their graduation -- the same day they were celebrating in Seungcheol and Jeonghan's apartment that Jihoon announced their relationship, right? Well, the thing is that, it is not only their relationship that Jihoon revealed but also his acceptance to one of the top music company -- Universe -- as a music producer. It was Jihoon's dedication and discipline in his craft that allowed him to enter one of the prestigious companies fostering the dreams of many young artist, and not to mention that Jihoon is also one of the most sought fresh graduate from the Department of Music, you put one powerful company and a powerful person together, and what do you get? the influence and platform to be known, 

With his creations being known locally and even internationally, a lot of people have called themselves fans of the young producer; Jihoon, a promising fresh graduate has already established himself in the industry... and he was happy because of it.. however, it meant that his privacy would be at stake, and everything he associate himself with will be introduced to the public eye through the cruel medias who would find happiness by ruining others,

And Jihoon was determined to not let the media discover his life.... he never wanted the media to know about his family; his friends -- despite Soonyoung being known as the award-winning choreographer, Seungcheol as the young CEO of an oil company, and Minghao the owner of his own brand.. Jihoon always kept his head low, never letting the medias know his private life. 

Something that has eventually affected Junhui... who cannot announce his relationship to the world; who cannot post pictures of him and Jihoon on social media; who can never go on dates with Jihoon publicly, all because of the former's fear of his life being introduced to the public eye.. Junhui had been very understanding at first, knowing that it was for his own good as a rising model, but as time went by, junhui cannot help but be jealous of how Minghao and Mingyu were dubbed as the power couple of their generation; how Jisoo and Seokmin were out touring the entire world and documenting their journeys... How the world ships the hell out of Soonyoung and Wonwoo,

Junhui cannot help but want for those to happen to him, too.. to let the world know that he is taken and that he love Lee Jihoon; that he owns him.... Junhui thought it was safe and assuring to know that Jihoon is just protecting their relationship and him.. but, frankly, how cruel is the world for them to hide something so true? 

\--

"What makes a relationship strong?" Minghao placed the cups of coffee as he sat beside Jeonghan, 

"Trust?" Junhui looked at Jeonghan upon hearing that, 

"I mean, what's the point of being in a relationship when you don't trust your partner," 

It was a simple question yet something that's been in Junhui's mind for long... It left an impact on him and affected his mood whenever he is with Jihoon, and the young producer being too tired from work, and with Junhui's endless, "it's nothing, I am just tired," did not ask further... 

It was an unspoken rule between them to not pressure each other to speak about what they're going through and just allowing them to come to one another whenever needed because they both know they would always come back... they would always find a way to calm each other, 

Until Jihoon decided to break whatever tension there was between them one evening in December, 

"Are you fine?" The taller one nodded and went on doing whatever he was doing with his phone, 

"No, you're not," Jihoon stated that made Junhui roll his eyes, 

"And how can you say that?" He challenged, 

"Maybe because I'm your boyfriend for almost three years? You're not usually grumpy but you've been like that lately," Jihoon said slowly, 

"Then how am I supposed to act?" Junhui scowled, "How am I supposed to act to keep this relationship hidden from everyone just because you're afraid of what I might receive!" 

"Now you're getting mad over what? Isn't this something we've already talked about when I entered the industry?" Jihoon massaged his forehead, trying not to break, 

"It's been years since that! And you never asked me about how it has been for me!" Jihoon opened his mouth only for Junhui to speak again, "Tell me, Jihoon, while you were out there building other worlds, where was I?" 

Jihoon stepped a foot forward, ready to hug the taller who is crying so much already, "Tell me, Jihoon, is it all just in my head or you've been distant lately?" Junhui tried his best not to crumble, knowing how well this could turn into something he never hope it would. Jihoon silenly watch as the taller man wipe his tears, and from there he knew, it was time to let go... it was time to say he's tired of it. 

The sight of Junhui crying pained him -- Junhui hands were on his knees supporting his body, refraining from breaking down, 

"You're beside me, weren't you?" Jihoon said in a small voice.. and Junhui laughed bitterly at that, "If I was there beside you, then why couldn't I feel it?" He was shaking as he wiped his tears, his eyes shining and showing the need to be loved the way he needed and deserve, "In your world, Jihoon, where do I exactly fit in?" 

Only Junhui sobs can be heard inside the apartment, no one dared to utter another word, both were just trying to calm down, 

They never fought like this... this was something huge already, 

"Why am I begging for footnotes in the story of your life now..." Junhui closed his eyes, fighting the tears that are about to fall again, "Why am I out here wondering if you still love me, when I can feel that I am losing you already.." 

"I know my love should be celebrated... but why did you chose to tolerate it?" 

There, the final straw, and it was evident that after saying those, Junhui broke down in front of his lover, hoping that the carpet he was sitting on top would take the pain away, 

But he knows it will never be enough, and he has the choice to break free from the pain, 

The night ended with Junhui curled up in the sofa, head leaning on Jihoon's chest, sobs still resonating inside the apartment, but clear message that nothing could ever separate them... no matter how painful it can be, 

Because Junhui knows it would be more painful to let Jihoon go 

Only time could tell if Jihoon would continue to tolerate it or if Junhui would break free because he knows he can do it. 

**Author's Note:**

> one down and six more to go! i really wanted to end it like this because i, too, didn't know whether to give them a happy or sad ending, so i'll leave it your imaginations :)
> 
> make sure to be updated by checking my twitter account: @noniehao. 
> 
> I'm really excited for more. happy holidays!


End file.
